So, You Want to Start a Sexual Healing Journey?
In 2014, I finally realized that my relationship with my sexuality was not where I wanted it to be. I began uncovering trauma, analyzing my sexual habits and examining each of my past partners.
“I’m broken.” I thought. And while I now understand that I was never broken (and you aren’t either) I am eternally grateful for everything that happened that year in 2014. That year launched my sexual healing journey.
But I also remember feeling incredibly overwhelmed “Where the f*ck do I even begin?”
What happened in the following months could only be described as FLOUNDERING. I tried celibacy. I tried only having sex with women. I tried only having sex with myself. I tried therapy. I went back to having sex with men, which made me feel guilty. And on, and on and on.
I know many of your are also in a similar cycle and may be asking yourself “Where do I start??” So here are some practical steps and mindset shifts that can help you begin to heal your relationship with sexuality.
Start a sex journal
I use the term “journal” loosely. What I am encouraging you to do, is to devote time to documenting your sexual growth and the progression of your thoughts. This can be voice or video recordings of you freely speaking, it can include jotting notes in your notes app. You can even start a virtual journal via word/google docs! I get it, journaling isn’t for everyone but documenting your thoughts and progress is crucial. Having a safe space to sift through everything in your mind and heart can help you connect the dots a lot faster and see your growth in real time! Here is a blog post on journal prompts for sexual self discovery to help get you started.
Start a Pleasure Practice
So much of healing our relationship with sex includes healing our relationship with pleasure— in all of its forms. Non sexual pleasure is something I struggled with enjoying for years. My mind would wander off during a movie, taking a nap was impossible, I ate quickly and barely tasted my food. I did not believe I was worthy of pleasure at all. What I came to realize is that my relationship with pleasure informed my relationship with sex. What helped me heal was not only prioritizing sexual pleasure through solo sex, but savoring non sexual pleasure and looking for it everyday.
Learn, Fact Based, Pleasure Centered, Sex Education
It is no secret that most of us did NOT receive fact based sex ed in school. In fact, only 15 states require medically accurate sex ed be taught in schools. So it is time for some unlearning and relearning! Learn about year anatomy, reproduction and even brain function when t comes to sex. Some of it is a little nerdy, but a lot of it is fascinating stuff! One of my fav ways to learn in from Dr. Doe on youtube!
Make the Journey Uniquely You!
Keeping a healthy perspective will be KEY during this journey. Not everyone’s sexual self discovery journey looks the same. Most importantly, remember that sexual healing is NOT about morphing into someone new. It is not about becoming a sex queen, super freak or pleasure priestess. sexual healing is about embracing and uplifting who you are right now and who you’ve always been.
Of course, there are MANY ways to begin, and there is no right or wrong way to begin this journey. In the comments, let me know what practical advice or mindset shifts you’d add to this list!
If you are looking for long term support, advice and accountability when it comes to beginning your sexual healing journey, you’re in luck babe! I am looking for a few dedicated and passionate women to work with 1:1. If that sounds like you, submit a client inquiry form here and I’ll be in touch with more details!
Remember that you are divine, and deserving of pleasure.
XO, Portia